A Letter To My Brother III

Posted: October 23, 2012 in Letters To My Brother
Tags: , , , , ,

This is a special letter that needs a little explaining.  When Scott was around 17 he was dating a girl who ended up getting pregnant with his child.  I was young so I don’t remember the particulars, but I know that there was speculation that the baby may or not be my brothers.  Scott and the girl ended things and they both went about their lives.  About 18 years later it was confirmed that the baby was Scott’s and they started a relationship as father and daughter.  It would just be a short time later that Scott passed away.  This left his new found daughter in an awkward position.  Besides Brianna, Scott already had 2 other kids and was trying to find the best way to explain everything to them.  Once he passed away his other two kids really didn’t know the whole story so Brianna was always left on the outside looking in.  I made a promise to myself that I would share everything about Scott with Brianna and do my best to make her feel like a part of the family, because that’s what she is.  She is my brother’s daughter which makes her my niece and I love her very much.  So there is the back story, now for the letter.

Dear Scott,

So I had the great honor of talking to your daughter Brianna for a while yesterday and of course you were the main topic.  The whole time her and I were talking I was thinking about all the memories I have of you and I felt a great deal of sadness because I know that Brianna doesn’t have any of those memories and she will never know the parts of your life that I did.  Well here I am today sitting in front of my laptop with some Sublime, Kid Rock, and Eminem playing in the background ready to share all of you with her.  God there is so much its hard to know where to begin but I guess I will start off with some of the earlier memories I have of you.

 I don’t know how many people actually know this but you and I spent some time in foster homes when we were kids.  I was 4 and you were 9.  I don’t remember that much from back then but I remember feeling completely lost and confused but you were always there to keep me safe.  I still have a clear and vivid picture in my head of the night you packed us up and we ran away from the foster home and to this day is one of my favorite stories to tell.  I have no idea what made you think we would ever get away but I must say it was a valiant effort.  Before I leave the foster home era of our lives I just want to thank you for allowing me to play on top of the garage with you and your friend.  It was awesome till I fell off of it and landed on an iron pipe that ripped through my knee.  You idiot!! I still have the scar and my knee causes me so much pain and I think about you every time it hurts.

 Anyway after the foster homes we were reunited with mom in Brielle.  We lived on Leslie ave in a small house on a lagoon.  This is where most of our childhood memories came from.  We attended Brielle Elementary School and had a lot of the same teachers, which really sucked for me by the way.  As I got older all the teachers didn’t like me because you gave them such a hard time and they just assumed that you were the bad apple that spoiled our bunch.  What jerks!  Granted you weren’t the best student in the world but that School was full of horrible teachers that didn’t like you.  There was one teacher that I remember that always gave you the benefit of the doubt and was truly there for you.  Mrs. Lucarelli (spelling?) was amazing to the both of us.  She always stuck up for you and I will never forget how much you liked her, and her daughter, but that’s a different story altogether.  Going to the same school as you was pretty hard even without the teachers because you were 5 years older than I was which meant you are your friends had a field day torturing me in front of all my friends.  I can’t even count how many wedgies I got in front of my friends.  I wish I could be mad about that but honestly I am sitting here grinning because even though it sucked and hurt looking back at it now it was kinda funny.  I mean how could I be mad when I myself have given out plenty of wedgies and if I saw someone getting one right now I would laugh hysterically.

 Anywho, I just now realized that if I keep writing like that this note will turn out to be a 300 page novel so I am going to change over to a list format and hit on some things that you loved, and hated and I will throw some memories into it as well.

 Music:

For the longest time you were a Dead Head.  You loved the Grateful Dead, the Stones and Zeppelin.  Later on in life you became a huge fan of Kid Rock, Eminem, Sublime and a lot of course the original man and a half himself, Wilson Pickett.  You loved Wilson Pickett so much that I would tell anyone who wanted to know you better just needs to listen Toe Hold, and Man and a Half.

 Books:

Growing up together I didn’t even know you could read so imagine my surprise when I found that you read a lot of books and actually liked them.  Your all time favorite book was The Seven Mysteries of Life written by Guy Murchie.  The copy you owned and read is sitting here on my book shelf for me to forever cherish. 

 Movies:

You really weren’t into movies that much.  I know that when we were younger you loved The Breakfast Club and Full Metal Jacket which by the way are 2 of my all time favorite movies.  I know they weren’t movies, but you loved Deadwood and the Sopranos.  I used to love Monday’s but I knew that we would get to have amazing conversations about each of the shows which almost always led to an argument over which was a better person between Al Swearengen and Seth Bullock.

 Food:

No matter what amazing foods you could cook for yourself nothing ever compared to Mom-Mom’s fruit salad.  I remember how your eyes would bulge out of your head whenever I made a batch of it.  Also on the top of the list has to be the infamous Breakfast in a Pot from Tom Sawyers. I will never forget you eating 2 of them and then spending the rest of the morning on the floor under your desk.

 Favorite Saying:

“You want to suck my what?”

 Sports:

Loved Basketball…When you were younger you Loved Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls which is probably why to this day I am a die hard fan.  I will never forget watching Chicago win it’s first championship in 1991 with you.  That was the day I became a fan.  Before that day I had never seen you get so excited about watching something and I became addicted to that feeling.  I needed to see more of what you saw that night so I never stopped watching or following them.

 Alright I have been typing for a while and my eyes are burning so I am going to stop the list for now but will pick it up again later because there is so much more that your daughter needs to know about your life.  I promise I will give all the memories I have of you to her and make her feel like she was right there with you every step of the way. On a personal note sir I really miss you and I fucking hate living my life without you.  You are always in my thoughts and there isn’t a second that goes by that I don’t think of you and your kids (ALL THREE OF THEM!!!!!).  I hope through me you will still live on and be able to be a part of all of our lives.

 I love you Scott,

 Your loving, heart broken brother,

 Nick, aka The Amazing Flying Mayo

Comments
  1. Beautiful words and how lovely for Brianna, that you have made a commitment to her.


    ivonne

  2. neelkanth says:

    One can understand the mental agony you are undergoing.

  3. Jean says:

    I, too, lost a brother named Scott many many years ago. He was 12 years older than me, so I didn’t have the relationship you did with your brother. It was different. He really was caring to me. He left and disappeared from us for a while and when he returned, he had a wife. We learned later after his death that there was also a child, not from the woman he married. You make me think about finding him. I have his name . . . somewhere . . . but yes, he is my nephew, and I wonder if anyone has ever been able to tell him about what a kind, gentle, caring father he had? Thanks again for another thought-inspiring post.

  4. Your letters are beautiful. I’m glad you’re allowing Brianna to learn more about her father. She’s lucky to have you as an uncle. 🙂

  5. Beautiful words as always… a great read as always! ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s