Douche Of The Week 9-3

Posted: September 3, 2012 in Douche Of The Week
Tags: , , , , , ,

DOW is supposed a post about people I deemed to be the king or queen of doucheness, and yet somehow I have several people a day asking me to be the DOW.  Sadly enough for them none of the are this weeks pick.  This week I almost feel bad about the person I chose because she is a senior citizen and is probably close to death.


I can’t say her real name so we will just call her DB for now.  Lets get a little background info on DB.  Like I said she is pretty old.  If I had to guess I would say she is in her early 70’s, although the hump on her back seems to be a bit older.  DB actually used to work where I work, but now she is just another pain in the ass that walks around pissed off at the World.    I guess it should also be said that DB hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.

I am sorry if I am not precise but I have to be careful what is said about my job or I could end up being spanked by “Big Brother.”  Anyway back to the story.  She comes in everyday to buy the same things and just about every time she shares her bitterness with whom ever is helping her.

A few months ago I had the un-pleasure of helping her.  Everything was going fine and even though she was quite bitchy she was manageable.  She was in the process of paying when she couldn’t find change in her purse.  She seemed frazzled so I told her to take her time because nobody was behind her.  Well that was the wrong thing to do.  She starts yelling, “DON’T RUSH ME!”

Now unless I missed something, I always thought telling someone to take their time was very opposite of rushing them.  I again tried to reassure her that there was no rush.  “Miss, you don’t have to rush, I am here all day and I have no problem waiting,”  I replied to her.

Well I guess that was an even worse thing to say because she abruptly smacked my hand and told me not to rush her again.  Before I could even respond to the smacking she began to throw coins at me.  Now that I am typing this I can’t help but to chuckle a little, but at that moment I was pissed.  She crossed the line and I wasn’t having it, but I was at work and couldn’t beat up an old lady because it would be bad for business.

So why is she the DOW this week for things she did in the past?  Its because still to this day (and I do mean today) she walks through the door and yells at me.  Its sad that woman that her age has so much bitterness in her.  Its like she just sets out to try to ruin people’s days because she is just so unhappy herself.

I hope she can somehow find some happiness in her life, and if not maybe she could be hit by a bus…ok maybe not a bus. I don’t really want to see her dead, but I wouldn’t mind seeing someone smack the shit out of her.  So there you have it.  Sorry Matt and Ryan.  Maybe next week will be your week, but till then this lady is without a doubt the Douche of the Week!

  1. Oh My- a little old lady randomly yelling at you and throwing coins? That, my friend, is comedy gold!

  2. Jen says:

    Being a douche knows know age limits, and can even apply to someone who has transitioned to the Great Beyond (wherever that is.) My ex-mother in-law died yesterday. I have had a shit ton of folks say to me, “Oh, so sorry to hear this; condolences to you and the kids.” Seriously? This woman was a bitter, miserable, hateful HERMIT who had little to no contact with my children (or their father, which was her now-deceased son, who also didn’t care much for this…bitch), and trust me: my kids and I are fine. The news of her death (which, as I always predicted, was alone and miserable, just how she lived) reached us and was more of a noteworthy oh-wow moment, not a tragedy that had befallen us. She’s dead, but she was a bitch. And a douche. Her life-status doesn’t change the facts. And as she looks up at us now, middle-finger extended no doubt, I salute her back with my own middle-finger. Your loss, bitch. You won’t be missed. =)

  3. ryoko861 says:

    I don’t know, I think Douche of the Year is more appropriate.

  4. Ryan says:

    LoL I think that lady is good people!!

  5. kfitz says:

    That was one rude customer! Reminds me of a “lady” who screamed and called me a liar when I gently told her the employee break room wasn’t the bathroom. Then as she made her way toward the restrooms she left a trail of poo balls and slime. Once in the bathroom she not only left a huge stinking mess but banged her cane on the handicap stall yelling, “You’re not handicap get out of this stall!” at the cashier inside who was using the only stall available.

  6. Sounds like she earned DB of the week. Good for you not smacking her,I don’t know if I could have stopped myself 🙂

  7. Amba Nair says:

    Oh I love your concept of DOW! Its hilarious and I’m sure the thought of being able to blog about these DOWs makes you feel so much better when they are being douches! LOL. Great way to turn something nasty into something hundreds of people can laugh about on your blog. Great going! 🙂

    • Nick says:

      Its great blogging about them. What I love even more is how much people look forward to it. Not a day goes by that someone doesn’t tell me about someone that should be DOW.

  8. Oh god, I hope you’re not writing about me! Just kidding!

  9. Phil Lanoue says:

    DOW…Ha! That’ some pretty funny you know what right there! 🙂

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