The Way I Am

Posted: August 13, 2012 in Random Thoughts, Rantings
Tags: , , , , , ,

When I was an insecure kid growing up in Jersey I took a lot of shit from people.  Whether it was my home, my clothes, or the things I did someone always had something to say about me.  When I was 13 my family moved to a new town where for about a month I was completely miserable.  Once again everyone had something to say.  I guess I was pretty stupid thinking that a new town and school would yield different results.

For sometime I kept to myself and walked around without even looking at other people and then one day something changed.  I had kind of a breakdown and started thinking about how much I hated my life and how much I missed my brother Scott who had moved to Florida (Its So Hard To Say Good-bye).  I had so many thoughts in my head and couldn’t make sense of any of them.  And then it hit me like a ton of self loathing bricks…WHO FUCKING CARES!!  I just kept asking myself over and over again, why I gave a shit about someone else’s opinions.  I couldn’t think of one single reason, and it was at that point felt reborn.

I was no longer the person everyone thought I was.  I was now the person I KNEW I was.  Seriously, those other people meant nothing to me.  They were not my family and obviously they were not friends so why the fuck should I let their opinions define me?  From that day on I was not a push over.  I would no longer live in the shadows of the people around me.

The kid I was is long gone and the Talkin’ Shit man in front of you has taken his place.  I will tell you how it is without that sugar coating nonsense and I will expect the same in return.  I will never let your words define me, as I have already defined myself.  Nothing feels better than knowing who you are and what you’re about.  Love me, hate me, never know me it doesn’t matter.  Its just the way I am.

Comments
  1. It takes some of us longer to get there, but its a good place to be, for sure!

  2. lacidanielle says:

    ” I will never let your words define me, as I have already defined myself”……….I like that line …great blog, Talk!

    • Nick says:

      Well well…its skin graft girl! 🙂 Thanks for the read and comment. I see your blog is up and running now. I hope you stick around so I have new stuff to read!

      • lacidanielle says:

        Yeh, I think I will 🙂 I am looking to see if I can personal message people here…steep learning curve, I tell ya!

  3. Mooselicker says:

    Wait, where in Jersey did you grow up insecurely? I’m worried we might be the same person.

    • Nick says:

      I started out in a Brielle (Monmouth County) and ended up in Brick (Ocean County) with a stop in Seaside. Shit we might be the same person…we obviously have similar taste in the appearance of our blogs.

      • Nick says:

        By the way I was going to name my blog “Mooselicker” but they said the name was already taken.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Damn this is creepy. I’m originally from Hamilton over in Mercer County, now down near Cherry Hill.

        Same state, some insecure upbringing, same blog layout. Next you’re going to tell me you have a gigantic dick too!

      • Nick says:

        I wouldn’t call it gigantic. I mean others do, but that’s just their opinion.

  4. tyrant3883 says:

    good stuff im really enjoying your blog i wrote a similar blog the other day!

  5. MildChild50 says:

    Good job. Too man people never learn this lesson and spend all their time worrying about how to change their life/appearance/pet/belonging to make other people like them. Which is why I like your blog! [P.S. Like your new appearance!]

    • Nick says:

      Thank you for noticing the change! The black background was killing my eyes after a while. Thank you so much for the great comment. I was one of those people for way too long, and now that I’m not I feel great!

      • MildChild50 says:

        I guess I need to add that I’m not entirely in the “fuck them if they don’t like it” world. I mostly ignore comments on my looks/weight (although it can hurt), but my writing and my jewelry I make (at least in part) for other people to enjoy, so I do like getting feedback on things I create. But, I don’t live my life around what other people think about them.

  6. grapesgripesandgratitude says:

    Love.

  7. petermonaco says:

    As always, love your stuff Nick and think the new look works. Cheers to self definition!

  8. Self confidence/belief in one self is such a valuable trait.

  9. Such an awesome post! It does take some of us a while to get to where you’re at. I bet that “Who Cares? I don’t give a fuck.” feels pretty good as a place to be.

    • Nick says:

      It is an amazing place to be! You should come for a visit 🙂

      • I’m working my way there. Eventually you get tired of giving a damn and if you get unhappy or angry enough one stops giving a fuck. Great post! Actually needed the reminder to work on the self-confidence. Jersey is a hell of a place to grow up. May just come for the visit to “Who Cares? I don’t give a fuck.” It sounds really freeing from the bs that makes one miserable. 🙂

  10. jazzytower says:

    Bravo!! I know that was reallyliberating.

  11. jigmetobgyel says:

    Amazing, I love what you wrote and congratulations on getting there mate.

  12. Loens says:

    They only person you need to love is yourself. Sometimes, to be happy, you need to be a bit selfish from time to time.. That’s how I learned to respect myself. The first step to love and respect others ..

  13. […] the hell is wrong with kids?  I wrote a post a while back talking about how I took a lot of shit when I was a kid.  Luckily I figured out that […]

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